Thoughts & Questions by Patrick Hennessey

Life is a parade of beautiful women that are all too busy twirling their batons to stop and have a meaningful conversation.

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Many wet dreams occur when ghosts take advantage of a sleeping person's genitals.

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Most likely, predetermined 'soul mates' do not exist. Instead, an equality of love between two living souls creates true 'soul mating'.

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If sex drive were akin to dentistry, I'd be a drill bit in your mouth.

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Modern day obese couples give Adam and Eve a run for their money in the ribs department.

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Manhattan is like a baby panda bear; a little black, a little white, but mostly Asian.

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Los Angeles is like a baby zebra; a little black, a little white, but mostly a poser wishing it had been born a horse.

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Stop complaining about foreign films. Reading subtitles will make you smarter.

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Hollywood has been a perpetual travesty since the dawn of the naughts.

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It's a nightmare trying to fuck fat chicks when they smell like spaghetti bolognese.

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The grass might be greener on the other side, but it's also covered in a different brand of manure.

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The old proverb says: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But, what if that bush is your pubic hair?
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Be weary of mechanics with corroded teeth. If they neglect their own mouths, how can they be trusted with your car?

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What did the gay rooster crow at dawn? "Forget a-doodle-doo, just give me the cock!"

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If my crotch were made of Spic 'n Span, would you let me hump your kitchen floor?

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If my crotch were made of popcorn, would you go down on me in a movie theater?

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If my crotch were made of questions, would you answer truthfully?

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The beach is the same as a short-lived romance: You start out having fun, but in the end you get burned.

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Dyslexic Jews celebrate Overpass.

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Attending an all-boys-Catholic-school is like being on the Atkins diet -- you're encouraged to eat a lot of protein.

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Most times while in a drunken stupor my only solace is the creature who is further down a deeper stupor.

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I am usually reluctant to bring an end to my reluctance.

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To cease pursuits of knowledge when class is out of session is to cease the act of living; to give up on a blessing.

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In line at the Home Depot, I act bashful when I purchase a plunger.

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Pornography can serve as a form of birth control; it helps men and women get off solo, grow tired, and neglect sex with a partner.

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Sometimes you just have to jump your own bones.