THE ITCH TO PITCH (Part Three): "Brokeback Mountain Goat"

Breaking into Hollywood in this day and age is a daunting task for any aspiring screenwriter -- especially those who aspire to originality. Remakes, reboots, reimaginings and sequels continue to dominate the yearly output of every major studio. Well, I'm broke. Screw originality! Sign me up for the goddamn job! Here are snippets, pitches, story outlines and casting suggestions for the ridiculous Hollywood sequels I'm ready to write NOW.

"Brokeback Mountain Goat"

Sorry. This will not be a direct followup to Ang Lee's 2005 film (starring Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger) about cowboys falling in love. No. This will be more of a sidequel. We'll follow a lovelorn goat named Harry who is looking for love in all the wrong places. Here's a sample scene... 

I'm feeling traditional 2D animation on this one. Maybe even the involvement of Disney. The "suits" might want to go with Pixar's computer animation, but for me it's all about the hand-drawn "Lion King" vibe. 

I would cast the one and only Howie Mandel (Gizmo's voice in the "Gremlin" movies) as the voice of Harry the Goat...

My "sources" tell me that Ang Lee may want to return to the director's chair. Good, it's totally his for the taking! AND maybe, just maybe, Anne Hathaway will agree to go topless again. It'll be for a tastefully done post-credit sequence where she gives me a lap dance while wearing those tight Catwoman pants. Fingers crossed.

Plus, for bonus points, I'll add a weird-but-true news story to the plot. That way we can open with the obligatory title card "Based on a True Story": http://news.yahoo.com/goat-man-utah-mountains-identified-hunter-163152044.html

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part two

part one